Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
