o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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