dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Randomize
