I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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