just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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