do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
