new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
i drank out of a bidet.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
