I want to make a zoo with you.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Randomize
