Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
