Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
