Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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