TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Randomize
