it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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