I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
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