I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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