Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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