I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Randomize
