So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
