He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
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