420 ftw
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
