whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
