Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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