Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize
