Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
