The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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