Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Even my vagina gasped.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Randomize
