His hands were made for my vagina.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize