true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I know her cup size but not her name....
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