My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
