Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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