Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Randomize
