I bet he comes in French.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
