Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize