May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
