i jhust puked up my retainher.
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
wanna go halves on a baby?
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
