Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
