We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
It's blow job season.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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