remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
