Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
