Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
