My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
