I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
tonight lets celebrate not being married
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
