Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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