My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Randomize
