Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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