Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
