I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize