Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Randomize
