the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
