More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
