I saw his package. It spoke to me.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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