I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?