i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.