After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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