How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
