i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Randomize
