"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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