She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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