if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
