actually, I'm a sock model
the condom got lost in my hair
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
