my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
