Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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