Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
