Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
