I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
