you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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