Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Randomize
