the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
It was confusing and full of hummus
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
