we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
