She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Randomize
