South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
