PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
