remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
