I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
