stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Randomize
