I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
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