Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
